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Post by becbecmuffin on Apr 14, 2015 2:07:08 GMT
So I've spent most of my life IDing as bisexual. I've had crushes on girls and guys since at least middle school. But recently I realized that I don't really experience sexual attraction the way allosexual people do. I don't experience sexual attraction at all really, but I really enjoy sexual activity and I'm very picky about my sexual partners. It's very intimate to me and I prefer for it to be rooted in a romantic relationship. I don't feel comfortable IDing fully as asexual because it feels disingenuous due to the fact that I'm still sexually active. I've been playing with gray-ace and trying to figure out if maybe I'm demi-sexual. Does anyone have any advice?
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phlox
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Post by phlox on Apr 14, 2015 2:18:57 GMT
Asexuality is only the lack of sexual attraction, regardless of sexual partners or experience. It sounds to me like you're ace, but if you feel more comfortable with IDing as demisexual, that's great!
You shouldn't let anyone make you feel like you're not "really" ace. Unless you are legitimately faking not having sexual attractions, you're ace or acespec!
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Post by becbecmuffin on Apr 14, 2015 2:24:02 GMT
Thanks. I guess I just have to get more comfortable with it. When I told my ex/current fwb that I was feeling like maybe I was ace, he was pretty skeptical. I don't blame him because I really really enjoy my sex life. So it's hard for me to think of myself as ace, but I realized I didn't experience attraction at all, so I guess I am. It's taking some getting used to, I guess.
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phlox
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Post by phlox on Apr 14, 2015 2:28:52 GMT
No, that's totally cool! I think there were some surveys around AVEN (asexuality visibility and education network), and it was determined that a good number of asexuals enjoyed sex, and most didn't realize the difference between sexual attraction and liking sex. It’s pretty common, so yyou're not alone in this.
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Post by becbecmuffin on Apr 14, 2015 2:38:13 GMT
yay! not being alone is the best  |
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lacontadora
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Post by lacontadora on Apr 15, 2015 15:06:41 GMT
I went through a very similar thing! I identified as bisexual starting in middle school because I had crushes on both guys and girls. While I didn't actually feel sexual attraction to both, I didn't understand the difference between romantic and sexual attraction at the time. Plus I had had never heard of asexuality or the idea that romantic and sexual attractions could be different. Personally I am sex repulsed but I do agree that it doesn't actually have anything to do with being ace. There are allosexual people who are sex repulsed and asexual people who are sex positive. I would say identify with what you feel fits you the best, even if that means not identifying as anything. From what you said it sounds like you fall somewhere on the ace spectrum to me, but it is up to you.
It took me a long time to figure myself out, I had to do a lot of research. People still tell me "oh you just haven't met the right person yet" and things like that. I think it really comes down to being comfortable with yourself and figuring out where you stand, even if not everyone gets it.
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Post by becbecmuffin on Apr 15, 2015 15:15:24 GMT
Thank you! I'm slowly getting used to calling myself gray-ace and we'll see if that changes, but for now, it's just a matter of getting used to things. I didn't understand the difference between being sexually attracted to someone and enjoying having sex with them, but I realized that I didn't really understand what people meant by sexual attraction, and then I realized I didn't feel any.
It's just taking time to adjust.
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lacontadora
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Post by lacontadora on Apr 15, 2015 15:19:12 GMT
Yep I went through the same thing, it just takes time.
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Post by Nyxks on Apr 17, 2015 22:43:53 GMT
There are many of us who are ACE who are sexually active, into kink and in other areas have a high or low sex drive ... just as their are those who are ACE who are sex repulsed and can't stand the idea of sex ... ACE runs the spectrum of the deal when it comes to sex it does seem the general definition of asexual is...
Asexual = Lacking In Sexual Attraction
Thus it has nothing to do with lacking an interest in sex, low or no sex drive or the like - there are many out there who confuse being ace with being celibate or with not being interested in sex. But that isn't the case for all of us, I have a semi active sex life with my wife maybe not as active as she'd like it to be, but its active enough for my next to 0 sex drive that I have.
We all have to learn what is right for us when it comes to how we approach things in life, our sexuality an romantic self are just two areas that for some are ever changing and for others set to degrees but vary within their own spectrum (I had a really high sex drive shortly after my hysterectomy yet before it and a year after it it went back to what is normal for me - much to my wife's displeasure).
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Post by becbecmuffin on Apr 17, 2015 22:52:04 GMT
Thank you! I've decided to stick with gray-ace for now because of a definition for it I saw in the masterpost that resonated with me.
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