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Post by Rapsbaer on Apr 13, 2015 21:29:25 GMT
I don't know if this is the right place for this but I can't seem to find anyone I can turn to. My gf is bisexual which is actually no problem, she has never had a boyfriend though and the thought of her wanting to be with a boy to at least know what it's like is killing me. On her twitter she keeps praising those typical good looking male bodies and tells everyone how hot they are and it's making me so jealous (wrong word maybe but it makes me feel bad) but I don't want to come off like a b***h.... She's loyal af, I don't have to worry about anything, it's really just the thoughts that are driving me crazy and I often cry about this cause I feel like I could actually never be enough cause well yeah I dont got a dick and any other male features.. Of course I knooow she chose me but yea it's a non rational fear and jealousy and I don't know how to deal with it cause in all honesty it feels like this is slowly destroying my relationship and I feel like it's all my fault cause I'm the one having these problems..... I'm full fucking lesbian by the way, and we are together for 3 years now already but it's a long distance relationship
Please any advices on how I can make this easier for myself? And I'd really appreciate it if it wasn't 'just accept the fact she's bisexual but she chose you so obviously she wants to be with you not a guy, trust her'
Because I know all those things, as I said I completely trust her but it is not a rational fear or jealousy and I can't help it.... So please any ideas how I could make it easier for myself, it's making me feel pretty stupid, shallow and like a b***h
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Post by Misfit Reindeer on Apr 13, 2015 21:36:33 GMT
Just because someone is bisexual doesn't mean they're going to cheat on you. It's not like an on-off switch, and it's something that not a lot of people understand if they aren't attracted to multiple genders.
For example, you're a lesbian, and you love your girlfriend. Does that mean you stop finding other girls attractive, even girls that look radically different from your girlfriend? You still love your girlfriend, but you still find other people attractive. That's how it is. It's not like she's going to leave you because she "needs" a man. It's not like she needs something you can't provide because you aren't a man. She's attracted to both men and women, and that's okay.
I would talk to her about your feelings and see what she has to say about it.
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Post by Rapsbaer on Apr 13, 2015 21:42:24 GMT
Yeah I know that's not what I meant
That's what I was trying to say with that she's completely loyal and I do not have to be worried about anything.
I don't wanna come off like a b***h when saying this but english isnt my first language and I can't find better words to say this right now 'I am not stupid, I pretty much understand all sexual orientations, I wouldnt blame or judge her in any way as I heard some other lesbians do with bisexual girls, thats dumb as fuck' so my problem is really just me trying to deal with it, I don't know how, it is my problem and it's making me feel like I come off like such a shallow and selfish b***h and I don't know what to do about it
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Post by Misfit Reindeer on Apr 13, 2015 21:51:58 GMT
No, it's fine, you're okay! You don't sound like a b***h.
Everyone deals with worries about their partner, whether they're in your situation or not. Everyone experiences jealousy and fear. It's one of the things that makes us human. The best thing you can do for yourself is address why you are feeling the way that you're feeling and deal with the emotions surrounding that.
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Post by Rapsbaer on Apr 13, 2015 21:58:24 GMT
Okay I think seriously need to think about everything cause a lot of stuff seems to be wrong with me concerning this kinda stuff..... But honestly, I don't know I never had anyone I could actually talk to about this and just having it said once feels a lot better already; seriously just thank you... Imma try to stop crying and sleep over this to actually try to deal with it.... Just... Thank you!
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Post by Misfit Reindeer on Apr 13, 2015 21:59:25 GMT
It's okay, you don't need to cry, you'll be all right! Nothing's wrong with you. Being scared is totally natural. Let us know if you need any more help.
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Post by Nyxks on Apr 13, 2015 23:24:41 GMT
Ya might wish to look at why her talking about males triggers you to be upset over the matter when you know that she's bisexual which means she finds both genders of interest in general though you never said if she's also biromantic as well or what since that can also play into the field of things.
You might wish to think about why you feel as you do when you see her talking about a male or even another female if that is also the case, becoming more conscious of your feelings and thoughts and be helpful in learning what is at the root for this issue.
The general root of jealousy lies fear of loss and its similar for other feels that upset you when it comes to someone you are with who is taking notice of other's though not always the case but its one of the most common issues.
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Post by Misfit Reindeer on Apr 13, 2015 23:48:26 GMT
Nyxks has made some very good points, thank you!
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Nina
Fresh Meat
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Post by Nina on Apr 27, 2015 10:40:26 GMT
Okay I only just saw that reply cause I made this thread as a guest.... And Yeah I kinda also started there and in fact I created another thread in the topic lesbian to get feedback on a text I wrote in rage over being insulted for exactly this topic and I gotta say even though it literally all happened in complete rage that actually brings up and explains that topic for myself you mentioned.... But I gotta say even though I'm pretty self aware now I still completely fucking hate myself more and the fact it is bothering me is bothering me more than it actually bothering me..... If that makes any sense but I also tried to explain that at least a little bit in that other text.... But I cant deny I still feel stupid and hate myself for it
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Post by becbecmuffin on Apr 27, 2015 15:08:16 GMT
Don't hate yourself over this. I mentioned it on your other post, but I think that your insecurities are not tied to biphobia at all, consciously or unconsciously. I think that if you and your girlfriend work through your insecurities together, the both of you will feel better and your relationship will be stronger for it.
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Nina
Fresh Meat
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Post by Nina on Apr 27, 2015 15:26:33 GMT
okay I saw the other reply first, and well to be honest I am sort of too ashamed to tell her. . . . like, everything
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Post by becbecmuffin on Apr 27, 2015 16:46:55 GMT
I don't think you have to be. Just be honest. Honesty and communication are key for any relationship. I really think she'll understand as long as you're honest and sincere about wanting to get over such things.
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