spatzi
Fresh Meat
Posts: 2
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Post by spatzi on Jun 15, 2015 1:32:36 GMT
i'm not really sure where to start, but it has to be somewhere. for most of my life, i've always thought of myself as straight and cis. but recently, like a half and a half ago i settled into identifying as pan. then just a month ago at least i figured i was genderfluid. but there's something going on where i'm extremely paranoid about the validity of my identities. i'm not sure of the reality of my feelings, i guess? i'm having trouble believing that anything that i am feeling half the time is real. i think this is one of the first nights dysphoria is hitting me, but i'm questioning if that's real. I'm sorry for not explaining this well, but it's more of - i am afraid that what I think I am is not real and is just a product of my mind trying to fit into the symptoms of these experiences. I use to think I was mentally well, but now I've come to realize I have anxiety. but with everything, there comes those periods where I don't believe myself and i just don't think anything is real. So I'm worried that my sexuality, my gender, my mental illness, and everything is just fake. and i'm just terrified. And - I don't know what to do with it.
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Post by becbecmuffin on Jun 15, 2015 21:57:58 GMT
Even if you find later on that the gender and sexuality you identify with now, isn't how you feel later, that doesn't make those identities any less real. It's highly unlikely, in my opinion, that you would trick yourself into a marginalized gender identity and sexuality. It is real as long as that is how you feel. Anxiety will often tell you that your experiences are a product of your imagination, but anxiety lies. Your experiences are as real as anyone else's, even if they turn out the be impermanent.
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Post by aoife on Jun 17, 2015 0:21:43 GMT
That's fairly similar to how I feel a lot of the time really. I sometimes feel what I assume is dysphoria, which can get relatively strong at times, but sometimes I almost don't feel it at all. It's confusing sometimes but I guess that's what being genderfluid is, at least for me, sometimes I'll feel one way and at others I'll feel completely different.
If you feel enough to talk to us on here about it then it almost certainly is 100% real, but regardless your identity is entirely valid, there's no need to worry about that, you can be whoever you want to be.
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