Post by isotoperuption on May 16, 2015 9:59:53 GMT
I have recently come to the idea that my wants and needs for a relationship may be way too unconventional to have a successful/healthy long term relationship/marriage.
I'm asexual. I really REALLY REALLY do not want kids, I cannot stand them and only tolerate one or two because I see them maybe once a year if that.
The big thing is that people in my age range want kids or have them already and also feel sort of hurt and weirded out that I'm not sexually attracted to them.
In my religion family(meaning having kids) is a big deal and highly desired so I can't really marry in my religion because the other person wouldn't be happy because I cannot give them what they'd want. And I'd always thought that it was fine I could marry outside of my religion and find someone that didn't value the traditional things that seem ultra prevalent in my religion.
I've recently found that people outside my religion seem to have a near death grip on those traditions and I'm trying very very hard to just accept that how I am now is it. The way I'm trying to look at is I'd rather get comfortable with this is it and be surprised rather than constantly being disappointed because 'surprise surprise another romantic partner didn't work out'.
That I'm just alone romantically, granted this past week has been better. I'm not finding myself in random crying bouts (which honestly is nice, I've not cried this much in my entire life. I've ruined so much great jobs on my eyeliner.), I'm feeling a bit less like a miserable trash heap but there's still that little wiggling feeling of "You're not going to ever be enough for another person to feel that way about you."
At this point I'm just exhausted from being upset over this.
I've had a friend try her best to cheer me up with the fact that with my asexuality may be a natural response to overpopulation along with my apparent disgust of children. And that does make me feel a bit better that I'm doing the planet some good by not adding to the population problem, I just had hoped that I wouldn't end up being alone.
I'm asexual. I really REALLY REALLY do not want kids, I cannot stand them and only tolerate one or two because I see them maybe once a year if that.
The big thing is that people in my age range want kids or have them already and also feel sort of hurt and weirded out that I'm not sexually attracted to them.
In my religion family(meaning having kids) is a big deal and highly desired so I can't really marry in my religion because the other person wouldn't be happy because I cannot give them what they'd want. And I'd always thought that it was fine I could marry outside of my religion and find someone that didn't value the traditional things that seem ultra prevalent in my religion.
I've recently found that people outside my religion seem to have a near death grip on those traditions and I'm trying very very hard to just accept that how I am now is it. The way I'm trying to look at is I'd rather get comfortable with this is it and be surprised rather than constantly being disappointed because 'surprise surprise another romantic partner didn't work out'.
That I'm just alone romantically, granted this past week has been better. I'm not finding myself in random crying bouts (which honestly is nice, I've not cried this much in my entire life. I've ruined so much great jobs on my eyeliner.), I'm feeling a bit less like a miserable trash heap but there's still that little wiggling feeling of "You're not going to ever be enough for another person to feel that way about you."
At this point I'm just exhausted from being upset over this.
I've had a friend try her best to cheer me up with the fact that with my asexuality may be a natural response to overpopulation along with my apparent disgust of children. And that does make me feel a bit better that I'm doing the planet some good by not adding to the population problem, I just had hoped that I wouldn't end up being alone.
