rhosh
Fresh Meat
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Post by rhosh on May 11, 2015 2:51:35 GMT
lately, i haven't been around here that much. it's just that i've being feeling more like garbage than usual. i feel empty and as if i'm not real. idk, it's like, i just don't have any desire to live or to do anything else. my mom is being as unsupportive as always. my brother and i are now distant, even though we used to be super close. i feel like i can't trust him any more. i can't trust anyone, not my family, not my friends. at least my girlfriend is on my side, but she's on the other side of the ocean, so...
i just came to terms with the fact that i will never be able to be who i am inside, i'll never do the things i want(ed) and i'll just be miserable until i die. sorry for the depressing topic, but idk, i just feel like really bad, and i thought i'd vent here.
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Death by Reindeer
Ecstatic Contributor
Commander Reindeer
I refuse to be pavement
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Post by Death by Reindeer on May 11, 2015 11:46:31 GMT
I can delete my reply if you want.
Who says you can't be who you are?
I mean once you move out and stuff you can be whatever you like. Just hang in there
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Nina
Fresh Meat
what do I put here???
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Post by Nina on May 11, 2015 13:06:12 GMT
I feel the same.
I've been diagnosed with clinical severe depression but even though people know about it nobody cares and my insurance won't pay for a therapist so I'm all on my own... I'm currently in a very bad episode where I just feel like what you just described.
I feel like I'm not real...I as a person don't exist, and there's literally no point like..simply why?? I do this and I do that and that's it.
BUT I've experienced better! I've been through two suicide attempts by the age of 15, but then I had a good year, it got better! Dude I saw a purpose and shit was alright even when I had problems, but now again everything seems awful no matter if good or bad stuff happens, to me it's all the ame and I see no point....but I KNOW that it gets better...
People always tell you it gets better and god I didn't believe them at all! Like how dare they tell me it gets better when they don't even know what I'm going through... but now I know it DOES get better! It might be temporary, but it does! If you don't give up there will be times where everything feels better.
It'S always easy to tell someone to just try harder blah blah we all know when you're depressed that doesn't do shit, but if there's one thing I can tell you that's actually keeping me alive right now that would be always ask yourself
"Will it matter? - Will it be irreparable?"
No matter what bullshit happens in your life, will it matter 5 years from now? Will it matter when you've settled down? And if yes, is it DEFINITELY irreparable? for example, you didn't get the job and that can honestly cause such bad feeling in a depressed individual(also in not depressed people) that it just makes everything worse, but will you never be able to get a different job? Your mother seems to be ignoring you or ruining your life, not understanding, not supporting, but will there never be someone who will do all that for you??
That's the attitude bringing me through the day...
I swear the only thing you can count on is time, because as cheesy as it sounds time is the only thing that can help you of this, and a positive attitude but come on we all know that doesn't work when you're depressed, you could only trick your body into having a positive attitude with doing things like yoga drinking a lot and spending alone time at places you really like and make you feel peaceful (maybe with someone you really like but I dont know if you have someone who'd understand that apart from your girlfriend but who yea you said you can't see) It's hard to get yourself to do that in the first place because depression comes with a lot of side effects like 'laziness'... maybe your room is kinda messy and it probably makes you feel bad? Mine always is, because that's how my whole life feels! BUT, if you can find only a tiny little bit of motivation FUCKING HOLD ONTO THAT SHIT!!!! You drop everything else and do something that'll make you happy, like finally cleaning your room, going for a run, just whenever you feel like you could do something like that DO IT!!! You need those moments of positivity.... and still the most important thing: t-i-m-e !
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Post by becbecmuffin on May 11, 2015 14:36:41 GMT
One of the things that gets me through my sever bouts of depression is reminding myself that anything can happen in the future. The future can be infinitely better than the present is, but if we don't make it to the future, we'll never have the chance to see how amazing it could be. Eventually, you'll be able to get out of your mom's house. If you're not in college yet, if/when you go, you'll be able to take advantage of free on-campus counseling. One day you'll have you're own medical insurance and you'll be able to make the important decisions that are best for you.
This won't last forever. I promise.
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rhosh
Fresh Meat
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Post by rhosh on May 12, 2015 4:10:07 GMT
I can delete my reply if you want. Who says you can't be who you are? I mean once you move out and stuff you can be whatever you like. Just hang in there No, it's ok. It's just that, even if I move out, I would have to tell my mother, and my family and my friends eventually. I know they wouldn't understand. None of them. I can feel their judgement and disappointment even know. That scares me. I would just end up being miserable either way. I know it's a really negative thought, but I mean, it's sort of truth. I just wish it were easier. |
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rhosh
Fresh Meat
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Post by rhosh on May 12, 2015 4:15:09 GMT
One of the things that gets me through my sever bouts of depression is reminding myself that anything can happen in the future. The future can be infinitely better than the present is, but if we don't make it to the future, we'll never have the chance to see how amazing it could be. Eventually, you'll be able to get out of your mom's house. If you're not in college yet, if/when you go, you'll be able to take advantage of free on-campus counseling. One day you'll have you're own medical insurance and you'll be able to make the important decisions that are best for you. This won't last forever. I promise. Thanks for your nice words. I mean, I'm trying to think positive about the future, but it's a bit hard. I don't live in the USA, but I would like (and I'm planing on) talking to a counselor or therapist (something like that?) in the, hopefully, near future. Really, it's more to do with the fear of the repercussions these changes could have with my relationships with friends and family than anything else... |
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rhosh
Fresh Meat
Posts: 16
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Post by rhosh on May 12, 2015 4:27:37 GMT
I feel the same. I've been diagnosed with clinical severe depression but even though people know about it nobody cares and my insurance won't pay for a therapist so I'm all on my own... I'm currently in a very bad episode where I just feel like what you just described. I feel like I'm not real...I as a person don't exist, and there's literally no point like..simply why?? I do this and I do that and that's it. BUT I've experienced better! I've been through two suicide attempts by the age of 15, but then I had a good year, it got better! Dude I saw a purpose and shit was alright even when I had problems, but now again everything seems awful no matter if good or bad stuff happens, to me it's all the ame and I see no point....but I KNOW that it gets better... People always tell you it gets better and god I didn't believe them at all! Like how dare they tell me it gets better when they don't even know what I'm going through... but now I know it DOES get better! It might be temporary, but it does! If you don't give up there will be times where everything feels better. It'S always easy to tell someone to just try harder blah blah we all know when you're depressed that doesn't do shit, but if there's one thing I can tell you that's actually keeping me alive right now that would be always ask yourself "Will it matter? - Will it be irreparable?" No matter what bullshit happens in your life, will it matter 5 years from now? Will it matter when you've settled down? And if yes, is it DEFINITELY irreparable? for example, you didn't get the job and that can honestly cause such bad feeling in a depressed individual(also in not depressed people) that it just makes everything worse, but will you never be able to get a different job? Your mother seems to be ignoring you or ruining your life, not understanding, not supporting, but will there never be someone who will do all that for you?? That's the attitude bringing me through the day... I swear the only thing you can count on is time, because as cheesy as it sounds time is the only thing that can help you of this, and a positive attitude but come on we all know that doesn't work when you're depressed, you could only trick your body into having a positive attitude with doing things like yoga drinking a lot and spending alone time at places you really like and make you feel peaceful (maybe with someone you really like but I dont know if you have someone who'd understand that apart from your girlfriend but who yea you said you can't see) It's hard to get yourself to do that in the first place because depression comes with a lot of side effects like 'laziness'... maybe your room is kinda messy and it probably makes you feel bad? Mine always is, because that's how my whole life feels! BUT, if you can find only a tiny little bit of motivation FUCKING HOLD ONTO THAT SHIT!!!! You drop everything else and do something that'll make you happy, like finally cleaning your room, going for a run, just whenever you feel like you could do something like that DO IT!!! You need those moments of positivity.... and still the most important thing: t-i-m-e ! Yeah, I can identify with pretty much everything you said. I haven't been officially diagnosed with clinical depression or anything else for that matter, (even though I've been having these "episodes" since I was about 11) because when I told my mom that I was depressed and I felt like life made no sense she said that "I have to smile, say things are ok and change my attitude" and it will go away. I never really tried to tell her anything about it after that. Things did get better last year, I even became slightly less anxious and more social. But then this year things went downhill again. It's like every day it just gets worse. The smallest thing can make me breakdown. But yeah, in the end I will give it time, as you said. There's not much else to do right now. As you said, maybe one of these days I'll try to clean my room (which is messier than my life tbh) if for nothing else than you distract myself from my thoughts. Thank you for your message, I think it helped you know? Sometimes it's nice being reminded that you're not alone and that things can get better. |
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