Is there a word for this?

Nina
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what do I put here???

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Is there a word for this? May 3, 2015 21:49:23 GMT

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Post by Nina on May 3, 2015 21:49:23 GMT

Okay so I always just identified as gay (I'm cis-female, I just don't like the word lesbian) and I actually ...liked it? (There's a bigger, more fucked up story behind it)
Okay but I've been thinking about it a lot and am very very confused now...

I'll try to explain this. Okay so I have never had a boyfriend because the thought of having sex with someone physically male grosses me out, I find male genitals very very repulsive. But I always found girls super cute and liked the idea of being with one so when I was only 13 I got to the conclusion I'm gay, and a year after that I got together with my current girlfriend. But I've been thinking about the fact that I think I might actually have developed little crushes on guys before but just didn't take them seriously and didn't even notice because the thought of having sex with them was just truly disgusting to me (still is). But I think I've come to the realisation that I might be something like biromantic or panromantic? Because I kinda see absolutely nothing that could stop me from falling for someone if I really really like them... You see, like if they are the right person I feel like it wouldn't matter as what gender they identify in order for me to love them?

But that's not the only thing I was thinking about, also that I kinda have the feeling I'm barely sexually attracted to anyone.... Let me try to explain this, when I see cute girls that's awesome and I love looking at them, and sexual pictures can also turn me on but I feel like that happens in a different way than it does to most people I know. I've got a girlfriend with 14 and since then I've always been looking for girls in porn that look like her (I'm sorry if this is a little too open or something?) because else it just doesn't turn me on. Like I don't get turned on by other girls in porn unless I can imagine them to be my girlfriend... you know like people always talk about when they see someone hot they would 'bang them' or maybe sometimes have sex fantasies about them or similar, but I have never ever experienced anything like that unless they look like my girlfriend so then I can actually imagine my girlfriend to be in their place (if that makes any sense??).
So yeah the only person I've ever felt sexual attracted to is my girlfriend. It feels like I absolutely see when someone is attractive and I like looking at them but nothing sexual involved at all. And I've also already felt like that before I had a girlfriend, I mean I was 13/14 but never found anyone sexually attractive AT ALL. And now I'm thinking I might be demisexual? Like I can only start to feel sexually attracted to someone once I actually formed a very ver strong emotional bond with them... But I still feel like that only counts for anyone with physical female features though (as I said I kinda feel like I am panromantic so their identified gender doesn't matter at all, here it' just the physical ones) ....like I could never ever be sexually attracted to anyone physically male, because I literally see absolutely NOTHING attractive on a male body and the idea of having sex with one (or any sexual interaction, even being sexually touched by one or recieving oral even) is very very repulsive and gross to me...

So could it be that I'm some kind of panromantic demisexual with only lesbian attraction ... or such? Is there like a better word for it?
And is it weird or okay that I actually like reffering to myself as gay though? Like, I feel that panromantic demisexual label actually adds up to me and I feel comfortable with it to be honest but if someone ever asked me I'd still say I'm gay? Unless it's like deep talk of course, then I would love to explain but ..... I don't think I can explain it, I like panromantic demisexual a lot as it makes me feel complete and like I kinda understand myself but at the same time I feel gay as fuck.
But maybe that might also be because I'm currently in a relationship with a girl and literally feel no sexual attraction to anyone else at all...? so if I was to be with a guy (not sexually attracted to him though) I might feel differently about the word gay? I don't know does this even make sense?

I know you can't label me but I'd love to hear opinions about this and even 'ideas' on possibly fitting labels or such....

So in fact I feel like a panromantic demisexual with explicit sexual attraction to females only but like to refer to myself as gay.

EDIT: I am still a virgin (yup nearly 18 haha) and I like the thought of having sex with my girlfriend so far and I find her sexually attractive even though I gotta say I don't really feel the need to like... touch her or often even kiss her. I mean it's nice and when she does it I love it but I barely feel the need to actually do that myself. So I am still not sure about that part...

Last Edit: May 3, 2015 22:36:13 GMT by Nina

yo still not sure about my sexuality

becbecmuffin
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Is there a word for this? May 3, 2015 23:54:59 GMT

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Post by becbecmuffin on May 3, 2015 23:54:59 GMT

You can definitely still call yourself gay. You can identify however you want and if you want to say you're gay because it's simpler for you or easier for other people to understand, that's totally an okay thing to do.

You could stick with the (very long) label of panromantic gay-demisexual. You can have as many qualifiers on your identity as you see fit, as long as you're comfortable with it. But that doesn't mean you have to tell everyone who asks that you're panromantic gay-demisexual. You can just ID as gay or demi or whatever makes you feel the most comfortable.

However you ID yourself is totally valid. Our identities change as we grow and figure out more about ourselves, particularly when we start to leave adolescence and behind, at least that was the case for me.

I hope this helps.

Jewish, cis, bi-cupiosexual. she/her pronouns.

You matter. <3

Nina
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what do I put here???

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Is there a word for this? May 5, 2015 21:23:23 GMT

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Post by Nina on May 5, 2015 21:23:23 GMT

I'm sorry I totally forgot to respond!
But yeah damn I like gay-demisexual... I've never felt like something was 'missing' but now that I actually kind of figured it out (at least it feels like it) it feels so much better... Like honestly? I sometimes thought I was 'broken' cause it disgusted me how absolutely sexualised absolutely anything is and how I couldn't understand it.... but now that I kind of actually got a word for this, it's kinda great.
But I gotta say I still feel ..gay.. and it feels like the demisexuality is just something 'additional' you see.
Ach anyway just wanted to thank you cause this feels great!

EDIT: Even though I gotta say I'm not really sure if I might not actually be asexual ....but I guess I'll figure that out, for now I feel good with demisexual

Last Edit: May 5, 2015 21:39:18 GMT by Nina

yo still not sure about my sexuality

becbecmuffin Moderator Posts: 311 Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"c8a7d9"} Mini-Profile Name Color: 0505fc Mini Profile Text Color: e70cfa	Is there a word for this? May 6, 2015 4:04:32 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by becbecmuffin on May 6, 2015 4:04:32 GMT As long as your ID feels right, then that's all that matters. I felt the same way when I finally figured it out myself. And I still primarily ID as bi, but being able to say i'm bi-gray-asexual helps
	Jewish, cis, bi-cupiosexual. she/her pronouns. You matter. <3

Post by Nina on May 3, 2015 21:49:23 GMT

Post by becbecmuffin on May 3, 2015 23:54:59 GMT

Post by Nina on May 5, 2015 21:23:23 GMT

Post by becbecmuffin on May 6, 2015 4:04:32 GMT

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