Post by becbecmuffin on Apr 14, 2015 3:50:22 GMT
So I asked for this board to be made for a reason and that reason was that I need to vent to strangers somewhere that the people involved would not see it. This is going to be long because I'm going to try to include back story.
Up until the end of this past summer, I was in a committed relationship with a guy I really really loved. We had been together for just over two years when he broke up with me. I was devastated because he was my first love. He couldn't give me a straight answer and said something just didn't feel right. I trust him on that and he told me that if/when he figures it out, we'll be able to discuss the status of our relationship and if giving it another shot would work.
Anyway, while we were dating, we had discussed maybe being friends with benefits if we ever broke up so once I got over the immediate intense shock and heartbreak we started discussing this as an option for us. We decided it would work out for us, despite us both being still in love with each other. It has actually worked pretty well, although some days are really tough and we don't end up doing anything because of it. We've drawn lines that we don't kiss unless it leads to something sexual and cuddling is short if it happens at all. It works but I'm a very needy person when it comes to affection like that.
Another ex of mine recently moved back home after flunking out of college. He and I hung out a couple of times when he admitted he wanted to kiss me but didn't want to try dating again because after we broke up and got back together a couple of times, he decided not to date someone more than once. I went back to my recent ex and discussed with him whether he wanted to be exclusive or not. He said that he understood that I need the kind of affection he can't give me right now and said he didn't like it, but one of us was going to have to want to do stuff with someone else eventually.
Recently my recent ex asked me if I had done anything sexual with the other ex and asked me to tell him if I had because he didn't know if he was going to be okay with it or not. When I told him that I had, he got upset and realized that he wants to be exclusive when it comes to that. He said that he wouldn't be able to sleep with me if I was doing anything sexual with the other ex. I can understand where he's coming from and I know he's basically giving me and ultimatum. And I'll take it. I'd rather be exclusive with him than the other ex. I'm more comfortable around him and everything is just better with him. I just don't know what to tell the other ex. I know I have to tell him eventually and I'm sure he'll understand, but he thinks my recent ex is copping out on me with his reason for breaking up with me. I don't know HOW understanding he'll be.
Anyway, I just needed to get that off of my chest. Thanks for reading all of that. I know it was a lot.
Up until the end of this past summer, I was in a committed relationship with a guy I really really loved. We had been together for just over two years when he broke up with me. I was devastated because he was my first love. He couldn't give me a straight answer and said something just didn't feel right. I trust him on that and he told me that if/when he figures it out, we'll be able to discuss the status of our relationship and if giving it another shot would work.
Anyway, while we were dating, we had discussed maybe being friends with benefits if we ever broke up so once I got over the immediate intense shock and heartbreak we started discussing this as an option for us. We decided it would work out for us, despite us both being still in love with each other. It has actually worked pretty well, although some days are really tough and we don't end up doing anything because of it. We've drawn lines that we don't kiss unless it leads to something sexual and cuddling is short if it happens at all. It works but I'm a very needy person when it comes to affection like that.
Another ex of mine recently moved back home after flunking out of college. He and I hung out a couple of times when he admitted he wanted to kiss me but didn't want to try dating again because after we broke up and got back together a couple of times, he decided not to date someone more than once. I went back to my recent ex and discussed with him whether he wanted to be exclusive or not. He said that he understood that I need the kind of affection he can't give me right now and said he didn't like it, but one of us was going to have to want to do stuff with someone else eventually.
Recently my recent ex asked me if I had done anything sexual with the other ex and asked me to tell him if I had because he didn't know if he was going to be okay with it or not. When I told him that I had, he got upset and realized that he wants to be exclusive when it comes to that. He said that he wouldn't be able to sleep with me if I was doing anything sexual with the other ex. I can understand where he's coming from and I know he's basically giving me and ultimatum. And I'll take it. I'd rather be exclusive with him than the other ex. I'm more comfortable around him and everything is just better with him. I just don't know what to tell the other ex. I know I have to tell him eventually and I'm sure he'll understand, but he thinks my recent ex is copping out on me with his reason for breaking up with me. I don't know HOW understanding he'll be.
Anyway, I just needed to get that off of my chest. Thanks for reading all of that. I know it was a lot.
It's just a matter of carrying out my decision. I tend to shut down when it comes to confrontation. I'm working on it, but it's ingrained from my childhood. So I just have to overcome it and have a talk with the other ex.